Ask imaginary helpers to change transparencies; fly off the handle when they don't. Dress in a wild West style. Go dressed in scuba gear. Use the oxygen tank. Preface with the story of your life. Wear a swimsuit from the opposite sex: man - wear a bikini, woman - wear trunks. Have bodyguards on your sides as you talk. The bigger, the better.
Master of Science degree: Thesis
Have everyone pose for a group photo. Talk with your mouth full. Start speaking in tongues. Answer every question with a question. Moon everyone in the room after you are done. Rearrange the chairs into a peace symbol. Refer to yourself in the third person, like julius caesar did. Mention your professor as "my helper." say that you'd like to thank a few people. Pull out the White pages. Advertise it as "pot luck". Dress like your favorite character from "Star epaper Trek".
Dress in top hat and tails. Hold a pre-defense pep rally, complete with cheerleaders, pep band, and a bonfire. Detonate a small nuclear device in the room. Show slides of your last vacation. Put your overheads on a film strip. Designate a professor to all be in charge of turning the strip when the tape recording beeps. Same as 88, but instead of a tape recorder, go around the room making a different person read the pre-written text for each picture. "ok, everybody - heads down on the desk until you show me you can behave." Call your advisor "sweetie".
Simulate your experiment with a resume virtual reality system for pelleas the spectators. Do a soft-shoe routine. Throw a masquerade defense, complete with bobbing for apples and pin-the-tail-on-the-donkey. Use a greek chorus to highlight important points. "The responsorial psalm can be found on page 124 of the thesis." Tap dance. "I'm sorry Professor Smith, i didn't say 'simon says any questions?'. You're out." Flex and show off those massive pecs.
Goose!" "ok - which one of you farted?" Rimshot. Sell those big foam "We're number 1 (sic hands. Pass out souvenier matchbooks. "Tag - you're it!" Circulate a vicious rumor that the dead will be opening, making sure that it gets on the radio stations, and escape during all the commotion. Post signs: "due to a computer error at the registrar's Office, the original room is not available, and the defense has been relocated to made-up non-existent room number hang a pinata over the table and have a strolling mariachi band. Make each professor remove an item of clothing for each question he asks. Rent a billboard on the highway proclaiming "Thanks for passing me Professors x, y, and Z" - before your defense happens. Have a make-your-own-sundae table. Make committee members wear silly hats.
Thesis, defenses Thomas Aquinas College
Minstrel show (blackface, etc.). Previews, cartoons, and the jimmy fund. Pass the collection basket. "Which reminds me of a eve story - a black guy, a chinese guy, and a jew walked into a bar." Incite a revolt. Hire the goodyear Blimp to circle the building. Release a flock of doves. "And now a reading from the book of Mormon." leave jehovah's Witness pamphlets scattered about.
"There will be a short quiz after my presentation." "Professor Robinson, will you marry me?" Bring your pet boa. Do a "show and tell". Challenge a professor to a duel. Slapping him with a glove is optional. "Duck, duck, duck, duck.
"In protest of our government's systematic and brutal oppression of minorities." "Anybody else as drunk as i am?". Smoke machines, dramatic lighting, pyrotechnics. Use a super soaker to point at people. Surreptitioulsy fill the room with laughing gas. Door prizes and a raffle.
"Please phrase your question in the form of an answer." "And now, a word from our sponsor.". Present your entire talk in iambic pentameter. Whine piteously, beg, cry. Switch halfway through your talk to pig Latin. Or Finnish Pig Latin. The Emperor's New Slides only fools can't see the writing. Table dance (you or an exotic dancer). "yo, a smooth shout out to my homies." "I'd like to thank the Academy.".
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How the hell did they make you a professor?" "Ladies and Gentlemen, as I dim the lights, please hold hands and concentrate so that we may channel the spirit of Lord Kelvin.". Have bodyguards outside the room to "discourage" certain review professors from sitting. Animal sacrifice to the god of the Underworld. Sell T-shirts to recoup the cost of copying, binding, etc. "I'm sorry, i can't hear you - there's a banana in my ear!". Hold a tupperware party. Have a bikini-clad model be in charge of changing the overheads. "Everybody rhumba!" "And it would have worked if it weren't for those meddling kids.". Charge a cover and check for.
Appended by Chris bovitz, grad student grandioso 102-131). 132 from Mary. Patricia whitson and a metathesis few others 130-.) "Ladies and Gentlemen, please rise for the singing of our National Anthem.". Charge 25 cents a cup for coffee. "Charge the mound" when a professor beans you with a high fast question. "Musical accompaniment provided. stage your own death/suicide. Lead the specators in a wave. "you call that a question?
each of your committee members before the meeting so you know what their concerns are ahead of time. It is much easier to prepare your response ahead of time rather than respond in the moment. Find out from other students about the kinds of concerns each of your committee members might ask about. Prepare a script for your presentation. 189 Things (Not) to do at or for your Thesis Defense (in no particular order) From: mnsotn.wisc. From The nih catalyst, volume 3, page. Written by peter Dutton, jim Lalopoulos, Alison Berube, and Jeff Cohen, grad students extrordiannaire 1 - 101).
Please help us, as we meet this day, to draw closer to you and to each other, for Jesus sake. How do i prepare for my oral defense? The oral defense is what makes or breaks you. If you are positive warming and in charge, you are more likely to enroll your committee. If you are polished and powerful, you will gain the respect of your committee, and they will be more likely to support you. If you have good presentation skills, your audience is much more likely to take you seriously. So if you are afraid of public speaking, practice with a good coach to prepare for a positive experience. The golden rule for success at your orals is to practice and polish your presentation and have good visual aids.
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Prayer Thank you, lord for your guidance and love. Thank you for this opportunity to present my Thesis. Thank you for giving me these panelists who will help me improve the study. Thank you for my adviser, who invested her time in my work. Secondly, help me in my defense. May i not be overly-sensitive when offered correction, but may i also know the difference between personal opinion and areas where i clearly could have done better. May i listen to the council of my elders, and may the defense be a reasonably edifying experience water for all involved. Bless my advisor, and bless my panelists. . Thank you for their investment in reading and commenting on my work.